Battle of Champions - The Result

As I'm sure Torrie can attest, I have spent many hours over the past few days poring over the JB controversary. I have watched dozens of James Bond movies. I have watched hours of 24 DVDs. I've listened to soundtracks from both franchises. We live in serious times, and matters such like this deserve serious attention.

I don’t think that we can debate on the point of which one is cooler. Obviously, without a doubt, it’s James Bond.

He gets the pretty girls. Yeah, a good number of them die, but at least they disappear and don’t have that whole “I love you, but I can’t allow myself to love you” conflict that all of Jack’s love interests seem to have or he has with them.

He goes to pretty places all over the world. Jack Bauer spends all of his time in CA…well, he went to Africa this summer. Whoop-de-do. That can’t compare to Switzerland, Venice, Italy, London, Jamaica, and the list goes on and on and on.

But that’s not what my question was – who would win in a fight?

I see a dark alley, we’ll say in Washington , D.C., cause that’s where Jack is right now, and Bond is more likely to go there than ghetto LA California. Jack is where jeans and a black t shirt, partially stained with blood from the last time that he was tortured by the government while pretending to be a terrorist. His gun is at his side – he doesn’t really have a favorite, just whatever he stole from the last terrorist that he killed. He has been on the search for a mole in the FBI, and as a door opens and light spills onto the dark pavement, he sees his target: James Bond.

Bond has just walked into the alley in a tuxedo, leaving a fancy casino-like party where he has just beat a criminal mastermind in baccarat. He is expecting to make his way back to his hotel, where the mastermind’s girlfriend/wife will be waiting for him. Instead, as is wont to happen, he encounters someone – Bauer – who has snuck up behind him and pointed his gun in his neck. “Tell me what I need to know,” he whispers, followed by a yell: “WHO IS THE LEAK???” Bond has no choice but to react with a quick line: “Well, good evening, are all Americans as friendly as you?”

Bond reacts by slamming his head back and turning around, knocking the gun out with a karate chop. Bauer reacts by going to punch him, which Bond pushes away, somehow flipping Jack over. (Remember how often Bond does that in the old movies?) Jack gets up by kicking Bond down and jumping on top of him, with a tussle. He goes for a couple knock out punches, which James manages to avoid before pushing Jack off. Jack realizes he is next to his lost gun, which he grabs and points it at Bond – who already has is Walther PPK out and has shot Bauer’s gun, knocking it out of his hand.

They then have a conversation and realize they’re fighting for the good guys, and then go their separate ways, but Bond has won. Jack’s expertise is more in firearms and torture, unraveling government conspiracies. James has him on everything else. Advantage: Bond.

And this has to be true, because it’s now on the internet.

Battle of Champions

I’ve seen articles and discussions where people compare superheroes and who would win. (The answer is and always will be Superman. Duh. The number of reasons for this is simply too many to explain in this blog. But…come on. Superman.)

Then there is the “mere mortal” version of such discussions. There are a few usual suspects here as well:

Chuck Norris. Now, I’m not going to touch Chuck Norris here, cause he makes me laugh too much to take him seriously.

Jason Bourne: Are you kidding me? Jason Bourne would beat anyone…and would beat most superheroes as well. It’s no contest.

However, I would like to submit the following controversy for debate:

Two of my favorites. I’m finding it hard to pick sides:

Jack Bauer vs. James Bond.

Let’s get a quick tale of the tape here:

Famous Quotes: “Bond, James Bond.” “WE’RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!!”

Drink: Vodka martini, shaken, not stirred. / Does Jack Bauer drink?

Girl: A different one every time. / Teri…Nina…Audrey...

Clothes: Tuxedo / Messenger Bag

Sidekick: Felix / Tony

Technical Help: Q / Chloe O’Brien

Superior: M / President Palmer

Location: Exotic locales all over the world / Los Angeles

I’m going to take the next few days to participate in some serious thought and introspection to decide what I think about this most major of topics. I invite you all to do as well. Feel free to post your comments, and I’ll finish with my answer in a few days as well.

The Epic Adventure of Coming Home

Last friday, I took yet another flight to Salt Lake City. I've done this a lot over the last few months. The same lady helped me at the Delta counter, the one that helped me get a last minute flight to Salt Lake to propose to Torrie (I don't think she remembered me.) I know the people at the desks. I know where the gate always is. I've almost memorized the entire flight schedule.

This time, was different, however. It took us 3 times as long to get to the airport, due to a combination of my grandma's slow driving (she's very cautious, which is probably a good thing because....) and the snow storm we were in. Seattle does not do very well with snow storms.

Upon my arrival to the airport, I found out my plane had been delayed yet again. We were now three hours late...but things in Seattle weren't that bad. They told us that things were worse in Salt Lake, which was the cause for the delay. So I pulled a switcheroo and got on a flight that was leaving in a half hour. Nice! Miracle #1.

As the flight continued, I tried to sleep, but I couldn't. I was just too excited to no longer be in a long distance relationship. I looked down from my window perch often to try to figure out where we were and how close we were to Salt Lake.

By the way, I was flying in an MD-80. I pay attention to those things now, which is fun. I like the MD-80 cause of the seat configuration, 3 seats on one side, 2 on the other. Only one seat that's not a window/aisle seat! That's nice. However, I know that it uses a lot more fuel than other more efficient planes and I don't like the engines being on the back (empennage, if you want the technical term).

Anyway, I finally dozed off, and I woke up, looked at my clock, and saw that we should have arrived already! Finally a few minutes later the captain explained that we were circling because an airplane had skidded off the runway (not the 737 continental flight you heard about in denver, but just a turbo-prop) and no one was landing, and that we were probably going to have to go to Boise for more fuel. NO! But then the Captain came on really quickly and said "hey! We got clearance to land, here we go!" We landed safely. Miracle #2.

So I get off the plane and hurry to meet Torrie, who has, on her own, packed all of the items that she owns into a Ford Explorer. Are you kidding me?? This girl is amazing. To show you how fully packed this car was....I present this video:
Well, I wanted to, but my internet isn't working right now. I'll try again later.

Do you see how the person in the passenger seat can't even put their feet down! It's crazy! Miracle #3

So we start driving right then and there. Drive drive drive. We stopped to sleep for a few hours at rest stops twice - once right across the border into Idaho, and one...a few hours later in Idaho. We kept going and going, going right over the Blue Mountains in Idaho. We were hurrying to beat the storm that was coming into Seattle. Torrie was amazing, even taking most of the driving in the last few hours over Snoqualmie Pass. Although it was pretty windy and slightly snowing...nothing was too bad. We stopped at Dairy Queen in Bellevue right below the temple and then the snow began to fall in earnest. Here is a picture of us eating blizzards in a blizzard. :-)
Miracle #4

I drove the rest of the way home.

More stories to come later about the holidays, wedding, honeymoon, and life as a new husband!

I'd also invite you all to look at my lovely wife's blog, thestoryoftorrie.blogspot.com, unless you one of those creepy guys that keep following us, in which case BACK OFF. We are sick of you following us and making our lives so stressful.